Sometimes-- we just don't know

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." --Psalm 23:4a

Sometimes, prayer just feels-- goofy. We spend the time talking, trying to listen, and we just feel so darned clueless.

Thomas Merton would say that is just fine with God. Here is Fr. Merton's best-known prayer:

"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. AndI hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
 I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."



The best part of this wonderful prayer, for me, is the part in the middle where Fr. Merton confesses just how uncertain this whole journey can feel at times. 



We don't really know for certain that we are following God's will. No matter how positive we might feel about things, we really have no absolute way of knowing-- do we?



But guess what? God is interested in our hearts. God is pleased, I am sure, when our actions and deeds are good. But God is even more pleased when our hearts are in the right place.



Even if, once in awhile, what we do misses the mark. Even if it misses by a mile.



I think this is especially important when prayer feels challenging, like we would rather be doing anything else. But I believe, even in those times, God is pleased that we desire to please him, that we want to pray-- but maybe just cannot find the best mental posture for doing so.



So the moral of the story is this: Don't get discouraged. Just keep hungering after God, and know that God is pleased that you desire to hang out in God's presence.



Now go back up and read Fr. Merton's prayer again. And be grateful-- and glad. Amen?

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